


crawling up your throat

by Tator



Series: davenzi drabbles [20]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 07:56:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20597348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tator/pseuds/Tator
Summary: He saw the girl that David was casually chatting with, someone he knew from school he said, lean up and in and try to plant one square on David’s mouth. He saw it all, like he was watching one of Mama’s old movies tape and he could rewind and just watch it on a loop both backwards and forwards.





	crawling up your throat

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt:  
some girl tries to kiss david and matteo sees and gets jealous and david comforts him ? your writing is so angsty and good I love it !! you go xx
> 
> you can find the original post [here](https://bagels-and-seagulls.tumblr.com/post/187341534108/some-girl-tries-to-kiss-david-and-matteo-sees-and) :)

Matteo wasn’t supposed to see any of it. He was supposed to be having a good time after a stressful week with Mama being in and out of the hospital on watch for something that Matteo couldn’t stomach on a good day, let alone an average one. The boys tried to cover it up, step in front of him, distract him, gesture across the room, get him to look away because he was supposed to be having fun. He wasn’t supposed to see. 

Supposed to, supposed to not. It didn’t really matter because he did. See it, that is. 

He saw the girl that David was casually chatting with, someone he knew from school he said, lean up and in and try to plant one square on David’s mouth. He saw it all, like he was watching one of Mama’s old movies tape and he could rewind and just watch it on a loop both backwards and forwards with the scrolling sounding in his head like the soundtrack of his spiraling down, down, down all the way into the bottom of his mind where the only thing he saw was some girl kissing the one person who always made Matteo’s ground feel solid. 

Matteo suddenly felt like he was going to throw up. He felt the bile creep up in his throat as he saw David rush to say something to the girl with a shocked expression, rubbing at the lipstick stain on his cheek like it burned. Matteo hoped it did. Or maybe he was going to scream and throw himself on the floor with a loud wail like a maiden who had just watched her betrothed hand a single rose over to another woman from the next town over and she swore this was the last time she would ever love again. Or maybe he just needed another drink. Probably a putrid and horrific combination of all three. 

“Hey, Matteo. Did you hear that joke? Abdi just said a joke. Abdi tell him again,” Jonas knocked Matteo on the shoulder where he was still watching his worst fears play themselves out and forced himself to laugh. It was too loud and too bright in Matteo’s ears, and on a good day, he would appreciate the effort. But this wasn’t a good day. This wasn’t even an average one at this point. 

“I gotta-” Matteo said before pushing himself out of the boys’ grasp with them cheering and yelling and telling Matteo that everything was fine, which it wasn’t, and that they were having a good time, which they weren’t. They were all stuck in traffic and watching a train wreck collide right before their eyes, and for some reason Matteo was the one in the driver seat, knowing he couldn’t go anywhere. 

He wasn’t supposed to see. 

The boys were taking him out for a good night on the town. What a chummy thought. 

Matteo dropped down to the curb outside of whatever building they were at and forced his head between his legs, getting himself to breathe low and slow like Mama’s therapist always said, like David tried to help when he got like this, like his lungs were trying to squeeze their way out of his chest. But it wasn’t doing any good, and something started to crawl out of his throat, helped up by his hacking breaths that were bursting out his lungs like they were crying out for help. And he couldn’t stop it, couldn’t stop the way this thing splintered into the side of his neck and forced its way up out of his mouth. All he could do was hope it wasn’t his heart. 

“Matteo!” Someone said too loudly in his ear and clamped onto his shoulder with a vice grip, and oh god, whatever was crawling out of his body had help. They were going to hold him down, pry his mouth open, and let out the monster that was hiding down in his diaphragm out, holding his heart in the clench of its palm. 

“Don’t touch me,” he hissed out, or at least tried to, and pushed the person away, trying to swallow down the monster, make it give back his organs, but it just made the wheezing that much worse. And the monster was gaining on him, making its way up faster than he could have thought, and- 

“Sweetheart, I know you’re stressed right now, but you really gotta focus on your breathing, okay? Slow down. Just,” somebody took a deep breath, an over exaggerated one that sounded like it didn’t actually get that much air into their lungs with the way it whistled. But Matteo just copied the sound, forced his mouth shut, sealing whatever in, and breathing deep through his nose in an act of desperation. “There you go. Just like that.” 

Matteo gripped onto his neck, feeling for any protrusion, and then opened his eyes to see if there was going to be anything scaly and green standing at his feet. 

There wasn’t any. 

All there was was David, looking a little green himself, but Matteo knew that he didn’t come from anywhere in his chest. Couldn’t have, even though he knew that somewhere, he had a little piece of Matteo all to himself, but that was a piece that he gave freely, gave away for safe keeping because he knew that David could be trusted. 

“Sorry,” Matteo says quietly, not daring to open his teeth too wide in case something slips out. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’m the one that’s supposed to be sorry,” David responds and slides himself onto the street next to Matteo. “Can I touch you?” 

Matteo nodded with his jaw clenched, David tugs him close, wraps his arms around his middle and pulls him into his side so Matteo can tuck himself into his chest and hear his heart. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and Matteo feels the rumble in his sternum. “I didn’t want her to kiss me.” 

“She wasn’t supposed to,” Matteo says. 

“No, she wasn’t.” 

Matteo looks at the shadow of the lamppost down the street. “I’m not having a very good day.” 

“Let’s go home. We can watch a movie in bed, okay?” 

“Okay.”


End file.
